Ever been manipulated into accepting an outcome or doubting your feelings? Your response to an event was considered an overreaction. You got called out for being overly sensitive. Psychologists have a term for this form of abuse. It is known as gaslighting.
Defining Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in relationships where the abuser sows self-doubt and confusion to yield defeat to the recipient of abuse. The victim questions 
their sanity, memories, or perception of reality.
Instances of gaslighting in relationships are not often big moments. It is usually in insignificant instances. The abuser and their recipient may not even realize they are in a gaslighting tango.
The build-up of the criticism and bullying weakens the recipient of abuse’s beliefs, perception, reality, and sense of judgment, leaving them at the abuser’s mercy. The trajectory of gas lighting begins with minute offenses and gradually escalates into every facet of life. The abuser deliberately gaslights to gain control of the person receiving the abuse.
The person receiving abuse gets conditioned into submitting to the whims and wishes of the abuser since their sense of reality becomes distorted. The abuse takes away your ability to negotiate, make sound decisions, remain clear-headed, and maintain focus. Gas lighting can occur in personal and professional relationships.
Power Dynamics in Gaslighting Relationships
One key feature of gaslighting in relationships is variations in power dynamics. The person wielding the most power in the relationship becomes the abuser. For instance, the financially stable partner can gaslight the dependent spouse in a relationship. It is also common in leaders who have not grasped the concept of power balancing. They load on their subordinates, creating a vicious cycle of trying to please and stay on the right side of their master.
The person receiving the abuse finds it hard to leave because of what they stand to lose. They forebear a tyrant boss because they need their salary. A spouse tolerates their abusive partner because they need financial and emotional support. Most times, the victim is not aware of the abuse. Abusers use this aloofness against anyone who tries to convince the victim of the ill-treatment.
Another aspect of gaslighting is the toxic relationship constitutes two people or groups that care deeply about each other. Thus, the abuse may pass off as constructive criticism.
What are the Signs of a Gas Lighter?
Spotting the gaslighting is the hardest part for the victim. Gaslighting is not always as intense as an attack that leads a spouse to a mental facility. Sometimes, it is a mother constantly disapproving of her daughter’s decision. When the daughter is finally free, they cannot think or make decisions without inferring from their mother’s response.
Here are other examples of gaslighting situations in relationships.
“That Never Happened” Situations
The abuser aims to cast doubt on recollections and control the narrative. They vehemently deny the abuse and question the victim’s memory of things or incidences. They insist on lying and blaming the victim and emphasize the victim’s shortcomings and weaknesses. The victim starts believing the abuser’s perspective and relies on the reality crafted by the abuser.
Labeling the Victim as Sensitive
The abuser also capitalizes on calling the victim crazy or too sensitive to invalidate the victim’s feelings. If the victim expresses their disappointment, hurt, concerns, or needs, the abuser tells them they are making a big deal out of nothing. The gaslighting makes the abuser feel stupid for even attempting to defend themselves.
The gaslighter intends to invalidate the victim’s feelings and downplay its impact. The disregard makes the victim disregard their triggers and anxieties, although it never goes away.
Emotions, feelings, and thoughts act as pointers. They indicate the underlying issues a person is battling in the subconscious and conscious mind. You may not always be able to express them, but you should acknowledge them. Ignoring or suppressing your feelings or thoughts harms your mental and physical state.
Criticizing the Victim’s Memory
Abusers delight in sowing seeds of doubt in their victims. They deny and scoff at their victim’s attempt to remember the sequential flow of events. They know how to spin things around. They know recollections vary and use that to their advantage.
They shift when retelling events and twist facts to make the victim look bad. They also get others to back their supposition against the victim. They have strength in numbers.
Aside from vilifying the victim’s character in private, they also turn others against you to minimize the victim’s support. The gaslighting makes the victim question their assessments while simultaneously giving the gaslighter power over their memory. The victim’s resistance eventually wears off without adequate support and challengers of the abuser’s notion.
Questioning the Victim’s Sanity
Gaslighters like to question the victim’s mental capacities, especially to friends and loved ones. They intend to discredit the victim’s claims diminishing the number of sympathizers. It also restrains the victim from finding resources that may help them in their situation.
Playing the sanity card is always typically in heterosexual relationships – this is why women get wrongfully labeled irrational and emotionally dysfunctional in toxic relationships. They get branded troublemakers because they brood over things and explode, aggravating their male partners.
The Gaslighter Apologizing for Perceived Hurt
The abuser never acknowledges that they are wrong. They deflect from responsibility and blame the victim. Instead of saying. “I am sorry, I was wrong.” They say, “I apologize if you think I hurt you.” The statement seems like an apology, but it shifts the blame on the victim’s perception of things. It only evokes guilt in the receiver of abuse rather than resolving the matter.
Manipulation to Cowardise because of the Abuser’s Reaction
Victims of gaslighting know the fury their abusers can ignite. The abuser knows how to stir trouble because they also have status and power, pushing the victim to silence. The repercussions of the victim fighting back are too costly compared to endurance. Therefore, the victim learns to stomach the abuse.
Signs of Gaslighting for The Victim
In case the gaslighting is not that evident in your relationship, you can still look for symptoms of abuse in your behavior. These are the signs to watch if you are in a toxic relationship with a gas lighter:
A Constant Urge to Apologize
The abuser’s constant reminder of the victim’s faults, overreaction, weaknesses, and problematic mental capacity makes the victim unsure of their reactions and perception. They compensate by becoming overly polite to de-escalate the situation and keep the abuser’s ego from flaring.
Loss of Confidence
The abuser capitalizes on making the victim doubtful of their potential, abilities, memory, perceptions, beliefs, and judgment. The doubt eats at the victim’s self-esteem. It can even lead to an identity crisis.
Gaslighters dismantle everything that formed the foundation of your persona. They also destroy the victim’s support by passing twisted narratives about the victim’s identity. It does not take long before
the recipient of abuse starts doubting themselves and relying on the abuser’s outlook on things – including their identity.
Heightened Anxiety
Gaslighting takes away any safe and secure mental spaces in the victim. It augments self-distrust. The victim worries and fears because of their sinking foundation on significant issues. They also second-guess their worth and identity.
The victim also knows they are vulnerable to attacks because they are incapable of discernment
and judgment. They are also at the mercy of their abuser, who controls the most critical aspect of their life. They have to sacrifice their will and freedoms for everything to survive.
Emotional Numbness
Constant exposure to gaslighting can make the victim apathetic to pain and mental distress. It creates a lingering sense of hopelessness and frustration that does not go away. It may feel like something is wrong, but knowing the cause or identifying the issue is impossible.
An Increasing Sense of Worthlessness
A gaslighter never wants their victim to become satisfied with anything. They are constantly nitpicking on everything the abuser does. The resulting doubt produces insecurity and a growing sense of worthlessness in the victim. They question everything they have ever known and become uncertain about their future.
The victim loses their self-esteem gradually. They start depending on the abuser for their identity, moral compass, and worth. It becomes increasingly challenging for third parties to intervene in the relationship because of the degree of attachment to the abuser. The abuser is part of the victim’s identity. The victim may need therapy to sever the mental links.
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