A narcissistic or toxic relationship is a chaotic, emotionally taxing, and painful ordeal. While your loved one’s harmful tendencies may not have been apparent at the onset, you may have caught on over the years. If you are here, you probably want out. Your healing journey starts when you realize the narcissist or toxic partner is the problem, not you.
It is possible to distance yourself from the emotional and physical turmoil they have put you through. It may not be easy, but it is doable. Your walk to freedom begins here. Here is an exhaustive strategy to get you away from that traumatic relationship, one step at a time.
How Can You Lose Contact With A Narcissist or Toxic Relationship?
There are levels to distancing yourself from a problematic person or relationship. You can cut them out entirely if the lack of contact does not affect your ability to take care of your financial needs or if you have no dependents that would warrant contact. Alternatively, you can also gradually disconnect from the narcissist or toxic person as you adjust and secure yourself mentally and physically.
Complete No Contact
The ‘if you love them, set them free’ philosophy is particularly applicable when dealing with toxic individuals who are a danger to your life. If the person has a history of violence, exhibits violent tendencies, or has threatened your life, it is crucial to sever all ties. You risk your well-being, both mental and physical, if you continue to engage with a harmful person or entertain harmful relationships.
By tolerating their negative behavior, you are inadvertently reinforcing it. Set them free, whether a romantic partner, family member, or child. This form of self-preservation can also benefit those close to you.
Cease all contact. Ensure the person cannot access your social media pages. You may have to start afresh on many fronts. Block their phone. Change your email and physical address. Move to a different state or country. Ignore any attempts of them trying to reach out to you. Avoid entertaining their advances. Starve the narcissists off the validation they crave by staying away from their path.
Low Contact (Grey Rock Method)
Abusive and manipulative individuals often seek out the most vulnerable people to unload their insecurities onto and exploit for validation. Grey rocking protects you from being a potential target. It entails becoming uninteresting, hiding your feelings, and lessening interaction with the toxic person.
An abusive person derives pleasure from the frustration, humiliation, discomfort, and misery of their victims. If you deny them the pleasure, they do not get that ‘high’ from interacting with you. They will leave you to seek another unsuspecting prey. Grey rocking is especially ideal for reducing emotional abuse, from public humiliation to name-calling, deliberate attempts to scare or make you insecure, behavior control, isolation from loved ones, and gaslighting. You can react by withdrawing your attention and emotions. Remember, your response is their reward. Narcissists use baiting to provoke a reaction from you. Therefore, starve their narcissistic supply.
Give short, straightforward answers when you interact. Avoid showing emotions or giving personal information. If possible, avoid showing concern. Refrain from giving them anything they can leverage against you.
Modified No Contact
Sometimes, you cannot shut the abusive person completely from your life. You may be dealing with a self-absorbed, narcissistic colleague or boss. It could be your wayward teenage child. You may be sharing custody with a partner. Whatever your affiliation, if you are dealing with someone you cannot entirely cut off, you can still minimize your interaction for your peace of mind.
Consider changing departments to avoid meeting with this person. Avoid interacting with them beyond your professional obligations. While you manage the situation, actively search for a new job.
If you are dealing with an abusive partner, always have a mediator or an accountability person in your meetings. Remember, narcissists thrive on exploiting easy prey. Always use communication channels that leave a trail of evidence for your safety.
Just like in Grey Rocking, keep your conversations short and precise. Avoid giving them bait to run on. If possible, create a dedicated communication channel for them to use so that they cannot exploit your availability. You can also restrict communication through a trusted intermediary.
If the individual is your child or dependent who is a minor, fulfill your parental responsibilities while minimizing contact. Pay their school fees, provide for their meals, and purchase necessary school supplies, but limit interactions. Put measures to prevent them from hurting you or others in the home. It could mean having your child stay with a neutral party while they are still under your care. If necessary, contact the authorities to enhance security in your home.
Emotional No Contact
One way to prevent manipulation by an abuser is to deny them any emotional response. Toxic people often use their affections and emotions as weapons to provoke reactions that they can exploit to satisfy their insecurities. They may achieve this by getting in trouble, knowing you will bail them out every time.
Abusers also use silent treatment to control their victim’s actions and emotions. Refrain from responding to their manipulative tactics. Let them see that your life continues unaffected by their selfish behavior. Ignore all their tantrums to gain your attention.
Deprive the toxic person’s craving for your attention. Let them see your world is still spinning. You are human. You are hurting from their selfish behavior. You are allowed to break down. However, do not show vulnerability in the abuser’s presence.
Start Today, Initiate No Contact
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. It may seem daunting, but ultimately it leads to your freedom. You do not have to forebear with your abuser. The burden has already robbed you of a happy, stress-free life.
Gather the courage today. Start small, and add on to your strategy with every stride. Find solace in people you can trust for support and accountability. You have endured so much. It is time to rise and move past this obstacle.