Someone tells you, “You did a great job.” Your immediate response might be, “Oh, it really wasn’t that big of a deal.” Or maybe you laugh it off, point out everything you did wrong, or quickly return the compliment. Maybe you even feel uncomfortable hearing something positive about yourself.
If any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
For some people, compliments feel wonderful. For others, they can create an unexpected wave of discomfort, embarrassment, anxiety, or even an urge to argue with the person giving the compliment. You may know logically that someone is being kind, yet something inside you says, they don’t really mean that, or if they knew the real me, they wouldn’t say that.
Difficulty accepting positive feedback can sometimes be connected to the way we learned to see ourselves—and EMDR therapy may help explore and change those underlying beliefs.
Why Is It So Hard to Accept a Compliment?
Our beliefs about ourselves don’t develop in isolation. They are shaped by experiences, relationships, expectations, criticism, rejection, and the messages we receive throughout our lives. If you grew up hearing that you weren’t good enough, made mistakes frequently, were compared to others, or felt that love and approval depended on your performance, positive feedback may not fit comfortably with the way you learned to see yourself.
For example, someone might compliment you by saying, “You’re such a caring person.” But if you carry a deeply rooted belief that you’re selfish, inadequate, or “not a good person,” the compliment may clash with that internal story. Instead of feeling good, your brain may immediately look for evidence that the compliment isn’t true.
They don’t know me well enough.
They’re just being nice.
I only did well because I got lucky.
I could have done so much better.
This isn’t necessarily a conscious decision. Often, these responses happen automatically.
When Positive Attention Feels Uncomfortable
Sometimes the difficulty isn’t simply believing the compliment. It may be the experience of being noticed at all. If attention was uncomfortable or unpredictable earlier in life, being praised can feel surprisingly vulnerable. Being seen—even positively—can bring up feelings of exposure.
Someone says, “You look beautiful today,” and instead of simply saying thank you, you feel embarrassed.
Someone tells you that you’re a wonderful parent, and your mind immediately lists all the ways you think you’ve fallen short.
Your supervisor tells you that you handled a difficult situation exceptionally well, and you immediately explain why it wasn’t actually that difficult.
In each situation, the positive feedback may be genuine. But your emotional response may be influenced by something much deeper than the compliment itself.
What Does EMDR Have to Do with It?
EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is often associated with trauma and PTSD. However, EMDR can also be used to address experiences and beliefs that continue to affect how a person feels about themselves in the present.
A therapist may help you explore where certain negative beliefs came from and identify experiences that contributed to them. Perhaps you were frequently criticized as a child. Maybe a parent rarely expressed pride in you. Perhaps you experienced bullying, rejection, humiliation, or a relationship in which you were repeatedly made to feel inadequate.
Or maybe there wasn’t one major event. Instead, there were years of smaller experiences that gradually shaped the belief that you weren’t good enough. EMDR can help the brain process distressing experiences so that they no longer carry the same emotional intensity. As those experiences are processed, the negative beliefs connected to them may begin to shift.
Instead of automatically thinking, I’m not good enough, you may begin to develop a more balanced belief such as, I am worthy even when I’m not perfect. And eventually, a compliment may simply be a compliment.
Learning to Say “Thank You”
Accepting a compliment doesn’t mean becoming overly confident or believing you’re perfect. It means allowing yourself to receive something positive without immediately rejecting it. Sometimes healing looks surprisingly simple. Someone says, “You did a great job,” and instead of explaining why they are wrong, you pause and say:
“Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.”
You don’t have to prove the compliment isn’t true. You don’t have to list everything you could have done better. You don’t have to make yourself smaller so someone else can feel comfortable praising you. You can simply receive it.
You Are Allowed to See the Good in YourselIf compliments make you uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It may simply mean that your current self-image was shaped by experiences that taught you to question your own worth. The good news is that those beliefs don’t have to remain permanent.
EMDR therapy can provide a space to explore the experiences behind those beliefs and begin developing a healthier, more compassionate relationship with yourself.
You deserve to be able to hear something kind about yourself without immediately looking for a reason it isn’t true. And sometimes, healing begins with something as simple as learning to say:
“Thank you.”